Breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart!
So let's talk about breastfeeding. I did not choose to breastfeed my first daughter. Let me tell you, it was great to loose weight so quickly after birth, but such a pain in the rear to haul around bottles and formula everywhere I went! Not to mention the constant dishes I had, and let's face it, bottles are just gross sometimes. Let's admit it, occasionally we forget the bottle under the seat in the car, and only realize it's there after the car has sat in the hot sun! Yuck. My daughter was constantly in the ER during her first year as well with one virus or infection after another. That was not fun what so ever.
So this time around (13 years later)I chose to embark on the perilous journey that is breastfeeding. Oh my word. I had no idea how trying it is! To all you women who have breastfed multiple children, my hat is off to you indefinitely. Life with a newborn is already hard enough, then we go punish ourselves and take on soar, cracked, bleeding, leaking, engorged and all around painful beating to our breast! I mean, common! We're freaking super heroes for crying out loud!
While acclimating to this new task of nursing constantly, and pumping during the only precious moments we have to ourselves, we become exhausted, emotional, and just plain cranky. I know I was! I will always remember being "stuck" on the couch, in my pajamas all...day...long. Nursing...all...day...long in tears! However I can also remember that nearly euphoric moment when she latched to me within seconds of her birth. The instantaneous unbreakable bond that formed between us within those precious first minutes of life.
Breastfeeding comes with a myriad of challenges and highs and lows, the really big moments that take your breath away far outweigh the pain.
I am so thankful every day to have had the opportunity, the sheer merciful blessing of breastfeeding my child. Nothing compares to it. Over time and especially now that she's nearly a year and refuses being covered up, I've had to throw off modesty (within reason of course) and embrace this completely natural act of nourishing my infant. I've finally come to a place where frankly, I just don't care what anyone thinks. The looks no longer bother me. I find that there is either one of two reactions now when I breastfeed in public, scoffing looks of disgust, or enthusiastic praises for refusing to be shamed.
My goal is to nurse my little till she is 2 years old. I am beginning to fear I may not make it past the first year. It's becoming increasingly difficult to keep my milk supply sufficient. I've been forced to resort to supplementing to ensure she continues to get all the nutrients necessary for her development. Yet I will not give up. I didn't make it this far to quit now right?
Today Kailani is 9 months old. I am so proud of how beautifully she has blossomed! It gives me great pride to know that my body did that! My body has done something truly amazing! I got to participate with God in creation! That, is worth being humbled in awe.